Perspicuity

The idea for this cartoon was suggested to me by my son James.

The paintings represented in this cartoon include Rembrandt van Rijn’s "Slaughtered Ox," Pablo Picasso’s "Study of Lamb," Chaim Soutine’s "Side of Beef," and Francis Bacon’s "Head Surrounded by Side of Beef."

November is Slaughtered Oxen Month. At least it was during late medieval times when it was considered one of the "Labors of the Month." In the 16th and 17th centuries we see numerous Northern European artists (including Bruegal, van Heemskerk, and Teniers the Younger) depicting scenes with carcasses of ox suspended from ceiling beams. (Check out Teniers’s 1642 “Butcher Shop” on display at the Boston Museum of Fine Arts.)

In 1655, Rembrandt van Rijn painted "Slaughtered Ox." This painting was different from previous representations of beef. Here the carcass was treated not as a prop, but rather as the focus of the composition. Not only that, but Rembrandt painted the subject with a dramatic vigor not seen before in meat paintings. Additionally, there have been analyses of this painting which make reference to the Crucifixion of Christ.

Financially, the mid 1650s was a very bad year for Rembrandt. He pretty much had to sell everything he owned - including his paintings - to pay off his debts. Many years later, the Louvre Museum in Paris acquired "Slaughtered Ox" at a bargain basement price.

During the 20th century, when modern artists were hanging around in Paris, a number of painters were inspired by Rembrandt’s piece and rendered (so to speak) their own versions. Some of these artists included Picasso, Delacroix, George Segal (not to be confused with the banjo-playing actor), Francis Bacon (not to be confused with the 17th century philosopher, prototypical scientist, man of letters and lord chancellor of England), and Chaim Soutine (not to be confused with the Nabisco cracker).

Art history books love to recall the story of Soutine painting a rotting side of beef in his apartment. Purportedly he paid a young girl to bring him blood from the butcher shop, so that he could freshen up the carcass. His neighbors were constantly calling the police because of the unbearable stench.

The only other job that I can imagine smellier than this, would be that of a sewer worker. The most famous one I can think of is Ed Norton (not to be confused with Edward Norton the young movie star). The sewer working Norton was Ralph Kramden’s neighbor and buddy on the 1950s TV show "The Honeymooners." He was played by Art Carney (not to be confused with Rembrandt’s "Slaughtered Ox").

- November 2001

A labyrinth is a set of twisty passages, all alike. (Or is that a twisty set of passages all alike?)

According to Pliny there were four famous labyrinths of antiquity: 1. The Egyptian (by Petesuchis which had 3000 apartments - half of which were underground), 2. The Lemnian (similar to the Egyptian in style, but with 150 columns), 3. The Italian (an intricate series of chambers which was the tomb of Lars Porsena, King of Etruria), and 4. The Cretan.

According to the famous Greek soap opera, Minos (son of Zeus and Europa, and king of Crete), commissioned Daedalus (an inventive Athenean who personified the skill of mechanical arts) to build him a labyrinth so complex that no one could escape it. In this constuction Minos confines his step-son, the Minotaur (a monster with the head of a bull and body of a man, who was the son of Minos’ wife Pasiphaë and a white bull that Poseidon sent to Crete - but we won’t go there).

After winning the Athenian games, Androgeus (son of Minos) is murdered in Athens. As punishment Minos imposes an obligation on Athens where every nine years they have to send seven young men and seven young women to Crete to be devoured by the Minotaur. Theseus (Athenian hero) offers himself as one of the youths, determined to kill the Minotaur and put an end to this nefarious tribute. As fortune would have it, when he arrives, Ariadne (daughter of Minos) falls in love with him, and with the help of Daedalus (inventive Athenean), provides him with a sword (for killing the Minotaur) and the end of a very long piece of thread (for finding his way out).

During our honeymoon, a few years back, Cori and I found ourselves in a torrential rain storm wandering around a series of low walls which formed the ruins of Knossos, Minos’s palace in Crete. As we traipsed (battling to keep our shoes from being sucked into the deep, red clay puddles), our guide noted that while some scholars doubted the labyrinth ever existed, others believed that it was actually the palace itself which was the famous maze.

In the end, Theseus (Athenian hero) kills the Minotaur (hideous monster), and thanks Ariadne by marrying her and taking her away from Crete. They only get as far as the island of Naxos before Dionysus (the god of wine) convinces him to abandon her while she sleeps. Upon awakening, Ariadne is quite distraught, and (depending on the version) either hangs herself, marries Dionysus, or becomes spokeswoman for Mazola Corn Oil.

- October 2001

A milliner makes or sells ladies hats. The name probably comes from the obsolete word Milaner, for a native of Milan. Its usage dates back to 1530, when the British were getting some of their finer fashions from Milan. I got this information from the Oxford English Dictionary. We’ll have to take their word for it. They are word experts after all.

Expert. Where does this word come from? Obviously, it involves the roots ex for 'not' and pert for 'impudently bold.' Does this mean that the experts at the OED were once bold about words, but are no longer? If so, then why should I take advice from weak-kneed meaning-mongers?

I can come up with my own etymologies, thank you very much.

For example, I notice that the OED includes the word ner, which they define as an archaic use of the word nor. I suggest that milli-ner meant a thousandth (milli-) of a ner, as in "Neither this chicken, milli-ner that duck." In other words: "It’s definitely not the chicken, but there is a thousand to one chance that it might not be the duck either." Not a very strong statement.

In fact, people who frequently used milli-ner in their speech (I propose) came to be known for their lack of boldness, lack of pert, lack of enthusiastic flair or élan. A person who wanted to sell fashionable ladies' hats might have done well to have such a personality - especially when dealing with wealthy, upper class clients who would required you to be agreeable to the point of obsequiessence. Hence, they were dubbed Milliners.

Okay, my theory isn’t perfect. I’m still trying to work out why this word was ascribed to hat sellers as opposed to some other weak-kneed folk, like, say etymologists. Perhaps these word experts have more gumption than I gave them credit for. I’ll have to test this out the next time I meet one. I’ll walk up to him, humbly take my hat in my hand, point to his spirit and ask, "Is that your fine élan, sir?"

- April 2001

When my son, James, was a kindergartner, his favorite TV show was "Arthur." He knew all of the characters, plots, and lines. But then, when he got to second grade, the lovable aardvark was replaced by a large mutt from the '60s (and early '70s). I found myself waking up at 7:00 on Saturday and Sunday mornings so that he could watch "Scooby Doo." I have to admit that I enjoyed watching the show with him, though it amazes me how bad it is.¹

The cartoon I drew is pretty self-explanatory. In my typical dunderheaded way, I originally thought that the smart girl’s name was Thelma. I was actually quite pleased when my friend Randall told me what it really was. The references were a bit too close before the change.

As for the Louies, we have: "Huey, Dewey, and...", the XIVth, and Mr. Armstrong. Which is which and who is who? We leave that as an exercise for the reader.

A man came up to me on the street and said, "Did you know that the phrase 'Make it So’ originates with Horatio Nelson of the British Navy?"

I said no.

He continued.

"According to naval etiquette that started with Admiral Nelson, British officers are not to give direct commands to their subordinates. Rather they are to state what needs to be accomplished and when they wish for the action to be executed, say: 'Make it so.’"

Is this true? I cannot say.

But that’s what the man said. You heard what he said. He said that.

Aphasia, the inability to articulate an idea or comprehend language, is typically associated with some types of brain damage. But I experience these tip-of-the-tongue moments all the time. I suspect most of us do, though some more frequently than others. George Bush comes to mind with his "we must hit the nail right on the top of the nail." I’m sure I got the quote wrong, but I certainly know the phenomenon personally. I am just lucky enough not to have been president during those flustering aphasic moments.

The word aphasia derives from the Greek "aphatos," meaning speechless or not speakable (a + phatos). What I find interesting is that "phasia" (a form of phatos) comes from the Indo-European root "bha," which means to speak. Descended from this we get such words as infant (not speaking), preface (before speech), prophet (one who speaks before something happens), phonic (sound of speech), fable (a spoken story), and symphony (sounding together). So says my American Heritage 3rd Edition.

The television show "Cheers!" first aired September 30, 1982. It was about a bar in Boston, and its theme song reminded us that "sometimes you want to go where everybody knows your name."

Long after "Cheers!" went off the air, tourists were still flocking to the Bull & Finch, the real bar that provided the visual inspiration for the fictitious one. This bar was named for Charles Bulfinch, the architect responsible for the Massachusetts State House (right up the street from the Bull & Finch) and for the U.S. Capitol building.

Meanwhile, back at the dictionary... since I was already looking up "aphasia," I decided to dig into "cheers." The Indo-European root "ker," means head. Its Greek descendent "kara" ultimately gave us the word cheer and, of course, cheers.

If you bundle these roots together, you could get
"bha-kers¹," which is Bostonian for Talking Heads. Have I stopped making sense or did I just hit the nail on the ker?

Lemmings are rodents with all the trappings of cuteness: soft fur, short legs, small ears. They are known for their population fluctuations and periodic migrations. It is generally believed that they respond to overpopulation by running off cliffs in a massive suicidal death march.

However, the truth is, although some lemmings have died by drowning or falling off cliffs, there is no evidence that this was done in a deliberate attempt to kill themselves.

So how is such a belief propagated? Well, Disney's 1958 nature film, "White Wilderness," can probably take some of the credit. The producers wanted to include a scene showing lemmings marching to their deaths. Unfortunately it was filmed in Alberta, Canada, which is not a native habitat for lemmings. This did not stop the filmmakers, who purchased up to a thousand lemmings collected by Inuit children and flew them to Alberta (the lemmings, not the children).

Roy Rogers (born Leonard Franklin Slye) was an American cowboy-actor-singer-restaurant owner. He started singing on the radio in the early 1930s. After that, he acted in movies, had his own TV show and made record albums right up to the early 1990s. He died on July 6, 1998 at the age of 86.

Roy Rogers was the canonical good guy, wearing a white cowboy hat and shooting the guns out of the bad guys’ hands rather than killing them.

In 1938 he starred in “Under Western Stars” which was the first movie to feature his Palomino horse, Trigger (born Trigger). The two appeared together from then on and Trigger died in 1965 at the age of 33.

(See "Trigger Treats" Cartoon/Essay)

First published Halloween 2000 in Editorial Humor (Vol. 12, Issue 257). This was done on commission. My editor asked, “Can you draw me a Halloween theme?” This is what I came up with.

• Editorial Humor, Dean Wallace, Jr. (publisher), Jason Schneiderman (editor), Hop Publications, Somerville, MA, 2000.
• Internet Movie Database (IMDb), http://www.imdb.com. One of the best Web sites on the internet. Search for titles under “Zorro” and you will get 67 different films and six different television series.