Let us assume for a moment that I was not totally pathetic in the kitchen. Further, let us imagine that I had entered a national recipe contest, and that, miracle of miracles, I won first place. The following would be my acceptance speech.
"Thank you. Thank you. You are too kind. Ladies and gentlemen, I stand before you [let us assume that I’m standing] greatly humbled and honored by this award. If I have achieved culinary greatness, it is only because I stand on the shoulders of giants. And if I’m standing on a giant’s shoulders, it is only because he is either sleeping or dead. No, seriously, my dessert recipe, 'La Brea Tar Peeps’, was inspired by a real culinary genius. You see a few years back, the Boston Globe published a content-winning recipe that caught my attention: Marshmallow Peeps suspended in Jell-0. That had such a strong affect on me. I loved how this inventive chef turned the dessert into a pre-natal allegory.
"Like all good art, I found myself thinking about this dish all day. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized that it wasn’t quite right. Sure, Peeps are supposed to be Just Born, but that never was my strongest association with them. It was something else.
"My first recollection of eating Marshmallow Peeps was at my Grandma Lottie’s house. It was Easter, of course. They were in a bowl full of candies, and I remember the Peeps had this odd resilience to them. The Peeps were stale. The Peeps I ate were always stale. That is one of the defining characteristics which made them Peeps: yellow, shaped like chick, covered with sugar, and filled with stale marshmallow. (It was only in the past few years that I tasted my first fresh Peep.)
"That is when it hit me. A Marshmallow Peep is forever. And the perfect Marshmallow Peep recipe should allude to this. The perfect Peep recipe should not be about birth, but about the fact they’ll be around forever. And in a flash of brilliance, I had 'La Brea Tar Peeps.’ The dessert that’s also an archeological experience. Suspend the little critters in chocolate pudding, and you have the perfect testimony to their eternal nature.
"The La Brea Tar Pits are oozing pitch springs of crude oil located in Hancock Park, Los Angeles. At the beginning of the twentieth century, researchers found in the tar the fossilized bones of mammals long extinct. Among them were mastodons, sabre-toothed tigers, giant sloths, camels and mammoths. Apparently, rain water would collect on the top of the tar, and animals - mistaking this death traps for a watering hole - would come to drink and get stuck. The stronger creatures would usually be able to pull out, but weaker ones would sink and be lost. The name, La Brea is Spanish for 'The Tar.’ So in essence, The La Brea Tar Pits translates to 'The The Tar Tar Pits.’ You might think of the ooze contained within as Tar Tar Sauce. [I wait for laughter to die down before continuing.]
"I see the prompter is telling me my time is up. But let me leave you with a glimpse to the future. For next year’s entry, think raw egg and Peeps. Think 'Peeps Tartare.’ Thank you. Good night."
- April 2001
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